my least fancy belt
Hello, friends! Rob here.
It worked last week, so I'm doing it again. One thing a day.
Monday: What in the absolute codswalloping fuck, 2020? I don't usually get distraught over celebrity deaths, but the news of Chadwick Boseman's undisclosed illness and sudden passing knocked the wind out of me. It's not just that a person died, or that cancer is so awful, or that we're going to miss out on his future work. Much has already been made of the fact that he worked straight through four years of grueling treatments while his own body destroyed itself from the inside out- and rightfully so. It's an incredible testament to his dedication and fortitude. But I think what really gets me is that, like, if some MCU megastar was going to die unexpectedly in 2020, then of course it was going to be Chadwick Boseman. It's yet another gut-punch from a year that has already ruptured all of our spleens. The more I try to write about representation and the symbolic value of Boseman's work and existence, the more I feel like I'm swerving into someone else's lane, so I'll leave it at this: Chadwick Boseman was bold, talented, uncompromising, and just plain great. We didn't get to see enough of him.
Tuesday: I can't believe football is coming back next week. It seems so unreal. Here are some assorted football takes:
-It's looking more and more like the squad from our nation's capital is really about to stagger into the 2020 NFL season under the banner of “Washington Football Team.” It's going to be incredible. I might buy merch. If this were a functional organization, I would expect that they'd already be building up to some dramatic reveal ahead of opening night. But this is the venerable Washington Football Team we're talking about here- the lack of an official nickname isn't even the biggest turd swirling around this toilet bowl of a franchise. If DC sports fans are lucky, Dan Snyder could be ousted by the time the season starts. It's 2020 though, so more likely he'll stick around long enough to change the team's name to the Washington Proud Boys and then take a graceful step back from day-to-day operations after being named chairman of the Federal Election Commission.
-With the NBA making such a visible effort on social justice, it seems inevitable that the NFL will pay some characteristically cynical lip service to Black Lives Matter. I think it's a safe bet they'll make a show of having everybody kneel during the anthem on opening weekend*, but the real question is whether or not they'll acknowledge that they buried Colin Kaepernick alive for doing the same thing back before it went mainstream.
-Speaking of being ahead of one's time, let's not forget that the Tampa Bay Buccaneers were contracting communicable diseases as a team WAY before it was cool.
-I am already butthurt about whatever is going to happen to the Saints this year.
*: This isn't quite “words I never thought I'd have to utter” so much as “words I can't believe I still have to utter,” but it's the same basic concept: Why do we still have to engage with the notion that kneeling during the anthem is somehow disrespectful to the flag, or the armed forces, or the VERY CONCEPT OF LIBERTY? Kaepernick chose kneeling specifically after listening to an actual veteran who told him it would be more respectful than just sitting on the bench (as he did during the first week of the 2016 season). Plus, there's that whole thing about the U.S. Flag Code:
-If you’ve ever worn the flag or a stars-and-stripes pattern on clothing, you violate Section 8(d) of the Flag Code.
-The “thin blue line” or “Blue Lives Matter” flag violates section 8(g) of the Flag Code.
-Flying the American flag during a thunderstorm violates Section 6(c) of the Flag Code.
-Flying the American flag at night violates Section 6(a) of the Flag Code, unless it is illuminated with a spotlight.
So, uhh, when you think about it, those “I stand for the flag and kneel for the cross” t-shirts are technically more disrespectful to the flag than refusing to stand for it. It is worth acknowledging that I have committed innumerable violations of U.S. Flag Code. I wore a cardigan that violated U.S. Flag Code on national television the first time we played the Today show. My least fancy belt bears an American flag motif, which means I disrespect the flag almost every time I wear pants. There is one clear-cut violation and another borderline case within my field of vision in the room where I am typing this sentence. But that's kind of the point: “disrespect” for the flag is so commonplace in modern-day America that any outrage over it is going to ring performative and false, and none of us can really condemn it without condemning ourselves in turn.
The article I quoted doesn't even play all of the hits. In addition to the above, the flag “should never be used for advertising purposes” (section 8[i]), “should not be . . . printed or otherwise impressed on paper napkins or boxes or anything that is designed for temporary use and discard” (8[i] again), and, per section 8(c), “should never be carried flat and horizontally,” like- I don't know, random example here- when spreading an enormous flag across a football field during a performance of “The Star-Spangled Banner” before kickoff. That's right: per U.S. Flag Code, when Kaepernick (and anyone else) takes a knee during the anthem, it isn't even the most disrespectful thing that is happening while it is happening. This has been another installment of “why are we still talking about this?”
Wednesday: Okay, so. Normally I don't like going straight at the President like this, because it tends to turn people away, and that's counterproductive. And I know that in the grand scheme of things, this is comparatively benign and even kind of silly. But honestly, I just hate this so much:
Soup. SOUP. This is a masterpiece. It belongs in a museum. It is perfect in its hideousness. It encapsulates everything wrong with the way Trump has navigated the social climate of this country since George Floyd: the fear-mongering, the tone-deafness, the conspiracy theories, the deliberate conflation of Black Lives Matter with anarchists with radical antifascists- which, A: if you're tired of seeing Antifa everywhere you go, then maybe quit inviting white nationalists to your family picnics, and B: isn't all opposition to fascism radical in the sense that “radical” can also mean “awesome?”
Anyway. Soup. What a gymnastic double standard. He'll sound the alarm over a fever dream of ANARCHIST THUGS razing placid, white “suburban” neighborhoods with weaponized cream of celery, and then he'll turn around and applaud the vigilance of a bunch of doughy SWAT cosplayers for squeezing into tactical gear from the Army surplus store and crossing state lines for a chance to brandish- or even fire- actual goddamn rifles at protesters while standing guard over a statue of Nathan Bedford Forrest. Soup is not a weapon- words I never thought I'd have to utter. Fuck this goddamn nonsense. I hate it. I hate it WAY more than it is worth. It's the kind of hate that keeps me warm at night. I hate it like Roger Ebert hated the movie North. I hate it like the omnipotent supercomputer in Harlan Ellison's “I Have No Mouth, and I Must Scream” hates the tormented remnants of a near-eradicated human race. Just complete and utter horseshit.
Thursday: Wait, so, is it fall in other parts of the world? Because here in New Orleans we're still very much in the summer rhythm of “ninety degrees before dawn, twenty-minute monsoon in the early afternoon, one million percent humidity at 2:00 AM.” I'm not normally the type of person to get all fetishistic about living in a place that “has seasons,” but it this year has made it so hard to feel the passage of time that I can't help feeling a bit jealous of places where the weather occasionally reminds you what month it is. I mean, even my Animal Crossing guy gets to switch over to long pants and sweater vests. I get FOMO sometimes, y'all. Plus, I'm over being too hot to fall asleep. It'd be dope to be able to go outside and not immediately dissolve. *Gazes longingly into the middle distance* one more time, please- tell me again about “sweater weather.”
Friday: As some of you may have noticed, we launched a Patreon last month in an effort to keep ourselves busy and better service all of your Revivalists needs DURING THIS TIME (drink). (If you don't know what Patreon is, think OnlyFans but for people whose parents know where to find them online.) It's been pretty fun so far. The reason I'm bringing it up here (other than to beg you to subscribe) is because I was thinking it could be fun to do a regular write-in Q&A on there. I'd take questions relating to the band, music in general, or literally anything else- pop culture, food, current events, relationships, nerd stuff, weird hypotheticals... I have takes. TAKES FOR DAYS. Anyway, I'd have to make a whole email address for it, so I'd like to try to gauge the demand first. Does anyone even want this? Would there be enough activity for it to be sustainable as a regular once- or twice-a-month deal, or would it just be once in a blue moon? I'm also taking suggestions for snappy names, because so far the best I've got is “Ask Rob,” which sucks complete butt. Let me know. Thanks!
