Into the Woods
Day Ten.
It's raining in Santa Cruz. I think this is the first even remotely inclement weather we've encountered so far. It's kind of a perfect day for it, too. Yesterday's show at the Fonda Theatre in Los Angeles was, as anticipated, a big-time booty bash. A real rump-shaker. A zinger of a hum-dinger, if you will. Not sure if everyone in the touring party agrees with me, but I think today is a great day to sit on the bus in my pajamas and watch this tiny sliver of the world inch by. Of course, at some point I'm going to have to take a shower and play a rock n roll show, but that's why they pay me the medium-ish bucks.
Hey. Did one of you swipe my Finger Hand after the show in Solana Beach on Tuesday? Plenty of people would have been able to reach it, and it was missing when I went to pack up my gear at the end of the night. I can replace it fairly easily (or, more likely, live without it forever and not really care that it's gone), so I'm not particularly upset- more puzzled, really. That seems like an odd way to get a hold of some memorabilia. What do you do with it? Frame it? Sell it on eBay? No. You must do none of those things. I implore you to use your newfound Finger Hand for its original intended purpose, which is weirding people out at music festivals. Only then can I forgive this gravest of transgressions.
Also, there's like a thirty percent chance it's just under the stage somewhere at the Belly Up.
Today I am reminded of a riddle which I first heard on an episode of Nickelodeon's pre-teen horror anthology series Are You Afraid of the Dark: "How far can you walk into the woods?” At first, the question seems too vague to have an answer- it depends on the size of the forest, the amount of forestry rations you've brought with you, the cushions on your orthopedic hiking insoles, etc. But none of that really matters, because the answer is always the same: Halfway. Starting from the perimeter and walking towards the center, you can only go halfway into a forest, and then once you reach the center, you're walking out of the woods. Kind of like how every direction is south if you're standing at the North Pole.
Except, come to think of it, if you are as far into a forest as you can possibly be, then aren't you all the way into the woods? Imagine a forest that happens to be in the shape of a perfect circle. Now imagine you're at the center of this circular forest. You're halfway through the woods, but aren't you all the way in? Wouldn't halfway in be halfway up or down the radius of the circle?
At any rate, we're halfway through this tour, which means we're all the way in.
